A bunch of semi-famous Irish teens and twenty-somethings are moving into a lovely, posh mansion in Dublin to make content on TikTok together. Their big move was featured in the national media today, which angered a lot of old fogeys, including myself. What exactly angers me about these TikTokkers moving in together to stream and vlog away to their hearts’ content is buried deep in my subconscious where it will stay.
I decided a more productive use of my outrage would be to imagine what it must be like to be a Gen-Z Irish TikTok content creator. I managed to come up with twelve content ideas that these housemates could potentially use if they were ever stuck, like. The ideas are tailored to what I imagine young TikTok users enjoy. (The only caveat is I have never used TikTok, so I haven’t a clue what I’m on about – which is why I’m allowing free access to my twelve ideas. They can think of it as a moving-in present.)
- How to be a radical feminist while maintaining a successful OnlyFans business
2. ‘Don’t sit down’ and other tips for home bleaching sensitive areas
3. This Disney-themed doorbell is a chick magnet. Now, if only I could find the clitoris.
4. I gave up my weekly fake tan application because it triggered my Sinn Féin voting friends
5. All my ex-girlfriends have anger management problems, in this 24-hour video I explain why that isn’t my fault
6. Pooing etiquette for mixed-gender households
7. My idiot housemate flushed the toilet but I wasn’t finished live-blogging the shit I took which looked like two crocodiles dancing and now I’m out of relatable Bristol Stool chart content
8. I (27 male) slept with an older woman, (30) and now I finally appreciate everything my mother did for me
9. 5 make-up looks inspired by antidepressants #poppinprozac #litlyrica #yasqweensertraline #efFLEXor #yumyumlithium
10. Why I do 100 squats a day. Hint: to hide the fact I have no personality or goals in life
11. Is it a strapless bra or a belt? We show you how to get the most out of your wardrobe, but you have to be a size 6 and have no tits.
12. I do the latest TikTok dance challenge dressed in my neon clothes I got from depop and you eejits are loving it because you’re sad and wish you were me